Friends, fellow-travellers, and members of the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party, I come before you today not to praise Technorati but to bury it. Will you join me in declaring war on this Enemy of the Party?
Consider the function of its nefarious popular page, which is a huge step toward doing to blogoramaville what was done to radio and tv (which in their day inspired similar public sphere utopianism as teh intertubes, according to Wendy Hui Kyong Chun and Thomas Keenan’s New Media, Old Media: A History and Theory Reader (Routledge, 2005) — namely, promoting crap over quality, elevating voyeurism and invective over reflection and dialogue, and making ratings and profits the name of the game. Don’t get me wrong — there are certainly some good blogs among the most linked and most favorited top 100s (a certain ex-fugitive from Party justice is at #85 on the latter list) — but everyone’s heard that even a bad function can find nuts twice a day (or something like that). It’s not like Technorati doesn’t have the capacity to do better: imagine if they produced 100 top 100s, each recognizing a particular bloggy genre. But no, what counts as a new idea for them is WFT (Where’s the Fire) — I say “wft?!” to its WTF Topics list, which takes Technorati’s default-celebrity-sex-tapes/gadgetry/wingnuttia-obsession-mode to its logical and absurd end.
Ah, but Technorati is the royal road to the American unconscious, you say; This Is What the People Want. To which I say, Fuck the People; the WAAGNFNP is all about the annihilationism, not the populism or the humanism.
Others then chime in: an imaginary political party can’t declare war — only the Congress can do that (in the U.S., at least). To which I say, ever heard of the neocons? The Project for a New American Century? Dick Cheney?
But is war the answer? still others worry. To which I say, no, the answer is 42, of course. Which happens to be the number of paragraphs in Chris Clarke’s thoughtful, reflective essay on why more people aren’t reading thoughtful, reflective essays online (a follow-up to a slightly-shorter piece of his). Which is why war is the answer when it comes to Technorati — or at least infowar.
You see, WTF is new enough that it’s still easy to hack. I propose the following 4-step program:
2) Write your own WAAGNFNP WTF blurb (be sure to put WAAGNFNP in the first text box) and put a link to it in the comments to this post so we all can repeat step 1 with it.
3) Write your own WTF blurb on any topic you please and put a link to it in the comments so we all can repeat step 1 with it.
4) Propose further steps in the comments for expanding our Technorati infowar to new fronts and frontiers.
We need to learn from the Blog Against Theology Week(end) folks’ mistake — sure, they got listed once or trice as the #1 WTF during
Masters Easter Weekend, but by failing to produce multiple blurbs, they left the top WTF topics to the likes of Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears, Antonella Barba, Paris Hilton, and Ann Coulter; YouTube, google, MySpace, twitter, and the iPhone; and, oh yeah, global warming, Iraq War, and Barack Obama (and now, Virginia Tech).
Go now and gird thy loins for the Technorati invasion — you have nothing to lose but your mind-forg’d manacles. (And we all could use a harmless prank these days.)
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